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A Letter To A Friend


Dear Friend,

 

    I have not heard from you in a long time, so the next best thing is to write this little monster of a letter.  Please promise me not to scream, simply hush during this brief joyride that I have written in the color purple.  I hope all has been well with your stepmom since we last spoke.  Perhaps we can get together the day after tomorrow for lunch or something.     

    

    I just got home from big momma's house.  She is definitely a pretty woman.  She sends her love.  Have you seen Dick & Jane lately?  I last saw them about nine months ago at my best friend's wedding.  You set your footloose that night and danced up the perfect storm the last time I saw you.    Everyone cleared the dance floor and were gone in 60 seconds  to give you more dancing space.   I will always treasure those boogie nights.  I laughed a lot when the wedding singer was drunk and rolled all over the floor singing to the phantom of the opera.   He wanted to be the center of attention and boy did he ever get it just as King Kong did at the top of the Empire State Building.   I heard that your friend Eva, whom I like to call Evita won the Ms. Congeniality award a few weeks ago at a local club contest.  I saw her at the mall and she looked pretty in pink.    Did you know that everyone calls her and her two sisters coyote ugly?   And yes, the devil wears prada.  I simply call them the stepford wives because they walk, talk and act like robots.   I was taking an 8 mile walk the other day when I bumped into two of the Latter Days guys.  They felt as the outsiders as they were walking into my neighborhood.  I looked as if I was their bodyguard.   I made sure they felt comfortable at home and not like in some kind of a panic room.   I let those so-called saints grease up the conversation and let them tell me all about their city of angels life and so forth.  Do you recall that friday the 13th when we went camping in mexico and did our own version of blair witch project?   That was a true huge titanic project for us and a well deserved A in our drama class.  Too bad our nutty professor did not agree and gave us a C .   We recorded the entire video on pure basic instinct.  We should've gone to different beaches and done our own version of friends gone wild.  Do you still live next to that legally blonde hot babe that owns that beautiful glass house?  I was moonstruck when we exchanged hello's and it left me spinning like a twister.  Oh well, say hi for me!  I haven't been feeling well.  I knew I was going to end up with this saturday night fever and stay in tonight.  Be sure to drink a cocktail or two for me ok?   Hope to hear from you soon.  Oh, before I forget, the wicker man was looking for you.  Thank you for the rose you sent to me the other day.  Anyway, gotta run because mommie dearest is calling and I have to help in setting the table for din din. 

 

Hey!  By the way, have you seen any good movies lately?

 

Your Friend Always,

ShAnTii








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