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Holloween There was a nun standing in front of a house. A cab driver pulls up and asks "where you heading"? She said "ELM ST". He said "hop in".. so she did. They were on their way when she noticed he was staring at her in the mirror. She said "what's the matter"? He said "I've always wondered what it would be like to kiss a nun"? She said "well you have to be single and you have to be Catholic". He said "I'm single and I'm Catholic". So she said "pull off in this alley and come back here". So he did. What she said to do they started kissing for 5 minutes and then they started driving again. And then he started crying. She said "what's the matter"? He said "I lied. I'm married and I'm Jewish". She said "that's o.k my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween party"!!! Fixing The Problem There was this woman and she was walking down the hall and she noticed that the light was not working. She told her husband, "honey that light in the hall needs to be fixed". Her husband said "do you see General Electric written across my forehead"? The wife told her husband "no". Then the woman walked into the kitchen and noticed the handle on the fridge was broken and she told her husband "honey, the handle on the fridge has been broken for a while... can you fix it"? The husband told her "do you see Kennmore written across my forehead"? And the wife said "no". So the woman wandered outside and noticed that the steps on the porch were broken. Once again she told her husband "honey can you fix the steps"? And the husband said "do you see Craftsman written across my forehead"? And the wife said "no". The husband got very angry and told his wife "ok now you have pissed me off". "I am going to the bar and getting drunk". So he left. The wife was so upset she ran outside and sat on the porch and started to cry. Just then a man walked by and asked the woman what was wrong? She told the man "everything". He said that he would make her a deal. He said that he would fix everything that was wrong if she would either have sex with him or bake him a cake. Shortly after the husband came home to see that the porch was fixed along with the fridge door handle and the hall light. The man told his wife "I am glad you decided to fix it yourself". And the woman said "I didn't". "A nice gentleman was walking by and I was crying and he asked me what was wrong and he told me that he would fix all of my problems if I would have sex with him or if I would bake him a cake". Then the husband said "well what kind of cake did you bake him" and the wife said "well do you see Betty Crocker written across my forehead"?  Four guys went golfing, the 1st guy goes in to register while the other three go to the green to get set up. While they're waiting they start talking about how succesful their sons' are. The 1st guy says "my son is a famous lawyer he is so succesful he gave his best friend a whole portfolio of stocks" and the other two agree thats pretty successful! Then the 2nd guy says "My son is a brain surgeon he is so successful he gave his best friend a million dollars" and once again the other two agree thats pretty successful then the third guy says "my son is a car salesman who only sells Ferrari's and is so successful he gave his best friend a new car". So they all agree they have successful sons. Then the 4th guy comes out and they ask him what his son does. The guy replies "my son is a gay stripper....I dont really know how to feel about it but I guess he's pretty good off his last 3 boyfriends gave him a portfolio of stocks, a million dollars, and a new car." This guy just bought a new motorcycle. The guy he buys it from says if it starts raining go put some vasoline on it. So he says ok. And the day the guy buys the motorcycle his girlfriend asks him to come over for dinner at her parents house. So he thinks this will be the perfect time to take his girlfriend for a ride over their house. While they were driving, the girl says there is a rule at her parents house; the first one who talks has to do the dishes. When they got there, there were stacks of dishes all around the house. I mean no one talks there. So they sit down and the guy thinks it too quiet in here, so he puts his girlfreind on the table and fucks her right there. He goes and sits down and thinks again its still to quiet in here, so he puts his girlfriends mom on the table and fucks her right there. He goes and sits down and he is pretty proud of himself that he just fucked two people in one night. Then it starts to rain, so he reaches in his pocket and pulls out the vasoline and then the father says...ok, ok I will do the dishes! This is a little poem i found one evening while surfing the web and reminded me of all my true, loving, and caring friend i have and can count on them for a lending shoulder when its needed, or if theres ever a tear being shed, they'll be there to pick it up and hold it for me. I would like to dedicate this to all my friends who hold a special place in my heart, Juan, Miguel, Tony, Lettie, Michelle, Monica, Louie,Shantii, Laura,Vicky,Cristian,Christina,Sonia,Ursula,Henry, and everyone else out there. I found a friend -And a friendship that I pray will never end.Your smile - so sweet And so bright -Kept me going When day was as dark as night.You never ever judged me,You understood my sorrow.Then you told me it needn't be that way And gave me the hope of a better tomorrow.You were always there for me,I knew I could count on you.You gave me advice and encouragement Whenever I didn't know what to do.You helped me learn to love myself You made life seem so good.You said I can do anything I put my mind to And suddenly I knew I could.There were times when we didn't see eye to eye And there were days when both of us cried.But even so we made it through:Our friendship hasn't yet died.Circumstances have pulled us apart,We are separated by many miles.Truly, the only thing that keeps me going Is my treasured memory of your smile.This friendship we share Is so precious to me,I hope it grows and flourishes And lasts unto infinity.You are so extra-special to me And so this to you I really must tell:You are my one true friend,My Guardian Angel.Our friendship is one-in-a-million So let's hold on to it and each other.We cannot let this chance of pure bliss fly away For there will never be another.I love you.I will always love you.  Friendship isn't always easily described. The Eskimos, they say, have a hundred different words for snow. Unfortunately, the English language isn't quite as innovative, though it has vast opportunities to differentiate meaning. Certainly, Love is one of those opportunities. And so, too, is Friendship. Instead of different words, however, we're stuck with simple adjectives. Close friend. Best friend. Childhood friend. Intimate friend. Trusted friend. Beloved friend. But whether you use adjectives or different words, few could deny the nearly infinite meaning in such a simple word. Friends are special people. We can't pick our family, and we're sorely limited in the number of them at any rate. Society and mores (and often our own conscience) dictate we select a single mate. But our friends can be as diverse and infinite as the adjectives we choose. Our friends, in a very real sense, reflect the choices we make in life.  Keep The World Turning - Always - ShAnTii "A friend is one who believes in you when you have ceased to believe in yourself." "One loyal friend is better than ten thousand friends." "It takes a long time to grow an old friend. Is it worth giving the friendship up over assumptions and mischiveous thoughts." "Best friends are better than boyfriends or girlfriends." "Friends are the most important ingredient in this recipe of life." "They say 'you only regret the things you never do.' Then why do I regret every bad thing I did to you?" "Choose your friends carefully you never know who is on your side, and remember the truth shall prevail. " "With clothes the new are the best, with friends the old are the best." "A friend you have to buy, wont be worth what you pay for him." "The better you know someone, the less there is to say. Or maybe, there's less that needs to be said." "Money might make you wealthy, but friends makes you rich." "You don't make friends, you earn them." "When you're looking for a friend don't look for perfection, just look for friendship."  by Hector aka ShAnTii Everyone has PHOTOGRAPHS to share with others of several places they go. They may be of family or friends that they know. PHOTOGRAPHS are beautiful possessions that may last a lifetime. But none can compare to the collection of mine. The PHOTOGRAPHS I treasure reflect the smile on my face. Those are the PHOTOGRAPHS that I truly embrace. The best PHOTOGRAPHS are the ones I have engraved in my mind - those are the PHOTOGRAPHS that I will hold close to my heart time after time. A simple friend has never seen you cry. A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears. A simple friend doesn't know your parents' first names.. A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book. A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party.. A real friend comes early to help you cook and stays late to help you clean. A simple friend hates it when you call after he has gone to bed. A real friend asks you why you took so long to call. A simple friend seeks to talk with you about your problems. A real friend seeks to help you with your problems. A simple friend wonders about your romantic history. A real friend could blackmail you with it. A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest. A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself. A simple friend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument. A real friend calls you after you had a fight. A simple friend expects you to always be there for them. A real friend expects to always be there for you! A simple friend reads this and deletes it. A real friend passes it on and sends it back to you! Pass this on to anyone you care about......if you get it back you have no beginning, no end. It keeps us together, like our Circle of Friends. Today I pass the friendship ball to you. Pass it on to someone who is a friend to you.....  What Your Birthday Says About You
Your birth date describes who we are, what we are good at, and what our inborn abilities are. It also points to what we have to learn and the challenges we are facing. Using your birth date, you can figure out your birth number in this fun little quiz that reveals what kind of person you are! To figure out your Birth Number, add all the numbers in the birth date together, like in the example, until there is only one digit. A Birth Number does not prevent you from being anything you want to be; it will just color your choice differently and give you a little insight. Example: March 20, 1950 3 + 20 + 1950 = 1973 = 1 + 9 + 7 + 3 = 20 = 2 + 0 = 2 So 2 is the Birth Number to read for the birth date in the example. Results: # 1 - THE ORIGINATOR 1's are originals. Coming up with new ideas and executing them is natural. Having things their own way is another trait that gets them as being stubborn and arrogant. 1's are extremely honest and do well to learn some diplomacy skills. They like to take the initiative and are often leaders or bosses, as they like to be the best. Being self-employed is definitely helpful for them. Lesson to learn: Others' ideas might be just as good or better and to stay open minded. Famous 1's: Tom Hanks, Robert Redford, Hulk Hogan, Carol Burnett, Wynona Judd, Nancy Reagan, Raquel Welch #2 - THE PEACEMAKER 2's are the born diplomats. They are aware of others' needs and moods and often think of others before themselves. Naturally analytical and very intuitive they don't like to be alone. Friendship and companionship is very important and can lead them to be successful in life, but on the other hand they'd rather be alone than in an uncomfortable relationship. Being naturally shy they should learn to boost their self-esteem and express themselves freely and seize the moment and not put things off. Famous 2's: President Bill Clinton, Madonna, Whoopi Goldberg, Thomas Edison, Wolfgang, Amadeus Mozart # 3 - THE LIFE OF THE PARTY 3's are idealists. They are very creative, social, charming, romantic, and easygoing. They start many things, but don't always see them through. They like others to be happy and go to great lengths to achieve it. They are very popular and idealistic. They should learn to see the world from a more realistic point of view. Famous 3's: Alan Alda, Ann Landers, Bill Cosby, Melanie Griffith, Salvador Dali, Jodi Foster # 4 - THE CONSERVATIVE 4's are sensible and traditional. They like order and routine. They only act when they fully understand what they are expected to do. They like getting their hands dirty and working hard. They are attracted to the outdoors and feel an affinity with nature. They are prepared to wait and can be stubborn and persistent. They should learn to be more flexible and to be nice to themselves. Famous 4's: Neil Diamond, Margaret Thatcher, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tina Turner, Paul Hogan, Oprah Winfrey # 5 - THE NONCONFORMIST 5's are the explorers. Their natural curiosity, risk taking, and enthusiasm often land them in hot water. They need diversity, and don't like to be stuck in a rut. The whole world is their school and they see a learning possibility in every situation. The questions never stop. They are well advised to look before they take action and make sure they have all the facts before jumping to conclusions. Famous 5's: Abraham Lincoln, Charlotte Bronte, Jessica Walter, Vincent Van Gogh, Bette Midler, Helen Keller and Mark Hamil. # 6 - THE ROMANTIC 6's are idealistic and need to feel useful to be happy. A strong family connection is important to them. Their actions influence their decisions. They have a strong urge to take care of others and to help. They are very loyal and make great teachers. They like art or music. They make loyal friends who take the friendship seriously. 6's should learn to differentiate between what they can change and what they cannot. Famous 6's: Albert Einstein, Jane Seymour, John Denver, Meryl Streep, Christopher Columbus, Goldie Hawn # 7 - THE INTELLECTUAL 7's are the searchers. Always probing for hidden information, they find it difficult to accept things at face value. Emotions don't sway their decisions. Questioning everything in life, they don't like to be questioned themselves. They're never off to a fast start, and their motto is slow and steady wins the race. They come across as philosophers and being very knowledgeable, and sometimes as loners. They are technically inclined and make great researchers uncovering information. They like secrets. They live in their own world and should learn what is acceptable and what not in the world at large. Famous 7's: William Shakespeare, Lucille Ball, Michael Jackson, Joan Baez, Princess Diana # 8 - THE BIG SHOT 8's are the problem solvers. They are professional, blunt and to the point, have good judgment and are decisive. They have grand plans and like to live the good life. They take charge of people. They view people objectively. They let you know in no uncertain terms that they are the boss. They should learn to exude their decisions on their own needs rather than on what others want. Famous 8's: Edgar Cayce, Barbra Streisand, George Harrison, Jane Fonda, Pablo Picasso, Aretha Franklin, Nostrodamus #9 - THE PERFORMER 9's are natural entertainers. They are very caring and generous, giving away their last dollar to help. With their charm, they have no problem making friends and nobody is a stranger to them. They have so many different personalities that people around them have a hard time understanding them. They are like chameleons, ever changing and blending in. They have tremendous luck, but also can suffer from extremes in fortune and mood. To be successful, they need to build a loving foundation. Famous 9's: Albert Schweitzer, Shirley McLaine, Harrison Ford, Jimmy Carter, Elvis Presley WHICH ONE ARE YOU?  Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!" So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!" The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman. The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.  She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word. The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?" The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!" Hello SYM Members! I would love to share with you two poems that I have written. I have several poems I have written thoughout the years. "Time" I wrote a few years ago and just recently I wrote "A Friend In Me" for a special friend whom I've dedicated it too. Enjoy! Time comes and Time goes, but the best Time I know is the Time I spend with you. Time can be short or Time can be forever, but the Time I'm with you is the Time I pray will last forever. Time does not have a face nor does Time have a care, the only Time I need is the Time with you I share. Time can be long, Time can be short, Time can be happy, and Time can be blue, but the best Time I have is when I'm with you. Give me Time to express how I feel, for it is you I think of all the Time, and that my love, - Is real! H. Lopez A Friend is one who helps us through good times and in bad. They are also the ones who make us laugh when we're sad. It gives me comfort that I have you as a friend of mine. I can depend on you and our friendship till the end of time. You have shown to me the kind of person you truly can be. I thank God for giving a kind and special friend to me. I only hope I may be the kind of friend you would like me to be. Always know that you have the A Friend In Me. H. Lopez  She was Soooooooo Blonde . . .. * She thought a quarterback was a refund. * She thought General Motors was in the army. * She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats. * She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center. * At the bottom of an application where it says "Sign here:" she wrote "Sagittarius." * She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept. * She sent a fax with a stamp on it. * Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics." * She tripped over a cordless phone. * She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "Concentrate." * She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK." * She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order. * She studied for a blood test. * She sold the car for gas money. * When she missed bus #44 she took bus #22 twice instead. * When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, "Airport Left," she turned around and went home. * When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved. * She thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless. * She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening. * She had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This Goes In Front." * She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company. The residents of a small redneck town urge the sheriff to arrest the local homosexual. Seems he's been propositioning all the teenage boys in town. The sheriff dutifully arrests the gay guy and says to him, "Okay, you got 15 minutes to blow this town!" The gay guy says, "I'll need at least two hours." "It was just a simple misunderstanding, your Honor," testified the man charged with indecent exposure. "Explain that statement!" demanded the Judge. "Well, you see, this girl and I were drinking in a bar and she asked me what I wanted most in a woman, so I showed her." Send us your Jokes or Poems to add here. A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious." The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist." | Calendar | QAF | SYM Reviews | Splash Spring 2005 | Splash OCT 05 | Splash April 06 | Malha Sabbira | RGV GayDotCom | Jokes- Poems etc | | Return Home | Klick N Read | Venue Photos | SYM Photos | News Etc | VALENTINOS | My Space | SYM RADIO | Great Links | FAQ Page | Contact Us | |
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