Change

I used to never think you can't teach an old dog new tricks. In a matter of two weeks my whole theory that everyone deserves a second chance has been altered to fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.

Aiden had come down a week ago from where he lives in north Texas. He had left me a message saying he was in town, etc. . .

Naturally, I was excited and relished at the idea of seeing him again. Did I want to see him to finally close a chapter in my life that I have left open for more than three years now? Or did I want to see if we could continue where we left off?

All the wishful thinking, and all the late nights wondering what would happen were all wasted.

I had called Aiden, since hey, he did tell me he was in town for a reason, he obviously wants to see me too, right? Wow, I was wrong. And so was everyone else I told this theory too.

I had called him a few times during the week.

The one time he did contact me was to tell me that he was busy helping his father with the family business and was sorry. Could that have been an excuse? Why would he give me an excuse?

Being the nice guy I am though, I told him, it was okay, and that I'd hoped he could find an hour or so for coffee or something during the week.

I had called him again after that, and then I suddenly realized, I was 18 again, it was the summer of 2003, and once again, I found myself chasing after someone who couldn't take five minutes out of his busy life to pick up a phone and call me.

It obviously had to stop. I stopped calling him, and in doing so, gave myself a whole new power I didn't know I had.

All these years, I had given him the upper hand. I was always the one who came to him, whether it be I'd call him, e-mail him first, or initiate an instant message first, it was always me making the first move.

I suddenly stopped and took a good look in the mirror and decided no longer will I be that guy. Not for Aiden, not for anyone.

I even thought to myself, "Do I really still love him?" How could I love someone who has played the same game for three years with me. Well, it's simple, I can't. That same day I heard a song on the radio that made me think immensely of Aiden, and my thoughts and emotions for him.

"Was it really him or the loss of my innocence I've been missing so much?"

Aiden was my first boyfriend, and it's universally known that you never forget your first love. While I can't forget Aiden, I can certainly let go of the hold he had on me.

In that respect, maybe I am wrong. Maybe you can teach an old dog new tricks. Or maybe I'm not that much of an old dog yet. It's funny, while I feel I've been dating for 100 years, I still don't know all the answers. I think if I did I wouldn't be single right now.

Being the "glass half full" kind of guy I am though, I'm not bitter about being single. This time I've had to myself sans boyfriend has truly allowed me to grow as a person, both emotionally, and economically. I have a great job, the best friends in the world, and a loving family. I'm content for now, and while I like the thought of a boy in my life, deep down inside, I know I don't need him as much as I let my friends think I do.

A guy should never be anyone's main priority. After all, it has to be true that good things come to those who wait.

So here I am, waiting. . .