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 Go Back   Guy or a Lie?
“Any Real, top, single, masculine, in-shape, monogamy/relationship-oriented, under 40, good looking, non-smoking, drug/disease free, non-scene kinda guys in the room tonight? Not into married, bi, fats, femmes, blacks, or Asians… White or Latino please, just my preference.” - MisterXNavy Chat rooms baffle me! Not to say I don’t frequent them, because I do. I met my ex in AOL’s M4MRelationship room. And even though that relationship was a train wreck I can still be found in the same chat room more often than I would like to admit. I believe everyone is entitled to his preferences and to look for those qualities in a potential partner. I also believe in everyone’s right to freedom of speech, even if it does make them seem a bit shallow and close-minded. So obviously my comments today are my opinion, and only my opinion. But what gets to me is attitudes about love like MisterXNavy’s. Though that isn’t his real screen name it is his real quote. First off, who isn’t REAL? If I happened to be an African American bottom, bisexual, married, femme, out of shape, looking for an open relationship, over 40, only fair looking, smoker (of the nicotine and Mary Jane variety) drinker who loves to enjoy the night life, does that make me less REAL? Does the guy MisterXNavy is looking for even exist out there in cyberspace or in the real world? If he does exist, he must be in awfully big demand because it seems that nine out of ten Onliners are trying to track him down. And if MisterXNavy found this guy, would he even know what to do with him? Not to be rude, but I personally would be intimidated if I met the “perfect guy” and he wanted to date me. I guess I am a bit of a realist, but I wouldn’t be happy until I found a flaw! After all, I have always found that a guy’s little quirks become endearing; sort of like that leaky faucet you can never fix. At first it bugs the hell out of you and keeps you awake at night. But after a few weeks you realize it is just one of those things that makes your house your home. It has always amazed me that a people who cry out for equality and understanding are so discriminatory when it comes to their own. In particular, so many gay people have a negative attitude toward bisexuals. We don’t want to date them, hang out with them, or even let people know we know them. But when we tell the straight community there are 10% of us out there we don’t seem to forget the bi-guys and bi-gals then. I know many gay people would like to think that being bisexual is a transitional period, the result of a person with a huge sexual appetite, or just your run-of-the-mill attention whore. But before you jump on that bandwagon or refuse to get off the wagon train, meditate on some of the things people say and believe about gay people. * Gays are child molesters and shouldn’t be allowed near kids, let alone have any of their own * All gay men dress in women’s clothes to get their “kicks” * All lesbians have penis envy * All those gays are just waiting to try and trick straights into converting to their team When I hear someone like MisterXNavy go on and on about what he won’t do, who he won’t date, or what he does or doesn’t want, it really makes me wonder… Is it just this one guy who is missing the point? Are gay men looking for a guy or a lie? Maybe the real problem is that we don’t really know what we are looking for so we fall back to what everyone else tells us we should be seeking. “This is pretty.” “That is handsome.” “Smart equals this many points on that particular test.” “Nice means he doesn’t hit you.” But what does love mean? Do we even know? Or an even better question is do we even know where to start looking? Teihard de Chardin, a Jesuit Priest, said, "Man can harness the winds, the waves, and the tides, but when he can harness the power of love, then for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire." I think that is the most wise and insightful think I have read in quite some time. It gives me hope that “this” whatever “this” is – isn’t. There is more than we really understand, grasp, or comprehend. It tells me that we know of love because we see evidence it exists. But we don’t know love on an intimate level. Why? If I knew that I would be a rich and very happily married gay man! But I do know that the wise spiritual philosopher Earnest Holmes said, “If you want a friend, be a friend.” I think that principle isn’t exclusive to those who study the Science of the Mind. The Judeo-Christian Golden Rule comes to mind. “Do unto other’s as you would have them do unto you.” So, if you want a lover, be a lover. If you want acceptance, extend acceptance. If you want warmth in your life, offer warmth to someone else. The world is really nothing more than a series of actions and reactions and someone has to break the cycle and cause change. And that is what it is, causing change. By changing the way you act others around you will react differently. What is the harm in that? A few dates that turned into friendships instead of lovers? You can never have too many friends. And who knows, maybe one of those people is friends with your Mr. Perfect. You see, you never know what life has to offer, or more importantly, what you might be cheating yourself out of when you close your mind and heart to opportunity. So instead of deciding what you want, why not decide what you want to be to someone else. Let them figure out who and what they are. After all, you wouldn’t want someone coming into your life and telling you who and what to be, would you? | Return Home | Klick N Read | Venue Photos | SYM Photos | News Etc | VALENTINOS | My Space | Great Links | FAQ Page | Contact Us | |
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